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While it's normal to be caught off guard by your tween's sudden interest in dating, you need to be sure that you are taking it seriously and use it as an opportunity to talk about key issues associated with dating responsibly.
Even if you are freaking out somewhat, choose your words carefully. You want to avoid saying something you might later regret. For instance, you should avoid labeling their relationship in some way like calling it an "infatuation," "puppy love," or "young love. To a tween, this budding relationship is significant. So, you don't want to downplay it or inadvertently make fun of it in some way. You also should avoid teasing your tween or making negative remarks about who they are dating.
Other things to avoid include:. Although the majority of tween relationships won't last long, some tween romances do have staying power. That said, though, relationships among tweens are likely to be more superficial than later relationships and may not have enough substance to last much longer. Consequently, at some point you're going to have to know how to help your tween navigate a breakup, especially because their first experience with a broken heart can take them by surprise.
One minute they are on cloud nine believing they found their soul mate and the next they find themselves picking up the pieces of their broken heart. If your child is dealing with a breakup, it's important that you listen more than you speak and that you validate what they're feeling. Nothing's worse for a tween than experiencing heartache, only to have a parent minimize their feelings or to tell them that it wasn't a big deal. To them, this experience feels monumental. Instead, take this opportunity to teach them how to manage these uncomfortable feelings in a healthy and responsible way—especially when it comes to social media.
Too many times, tweens will turn to social media during a breakup to share their feelings of anger, hurt, frustration, or sadness, all of which can end up hurting them even more if kids use these raw feelings to cyberbully or make fun of them.
Talk to them about healthy ways to cope with disappointment, rejection, and pain like journaling, talking with people they are close to, and doing things they enjoy. And, if your tween was the one doing the breaking up, it's equally as important that you be supportive. Find ways to help your tween refocus their attention and not dwell on the breakup.
It's common for tweens get stuck in a rut thinking about what went wrong and what they could have done differently. While reflection is an important part of breaking up, ruminating for long periods of time can become unhealthy. Talk to your tween about refocusing their energy in more productive ways like spending a day doing something fun with friends or taking up a new hobby. And finally, be patient and avoid saying anything negative about their former boyfriend or girlfriend.
Some tweens will move on pretty easily after a breakup, but some will need a little more time to process what happened and for their broken heart to mend. Be kind, caring, supportive, and positive and your tween will get through it. While it's normal to feel overwhelmed or even uncertain about your tween dating, it's important not to allow these feelings govern your response.
Instead, consider your child's maturity level and determine what they can handle and when. There are no hard and fast rules when it comes to tween dating. So, ultimately you will need to decide what is best given your child's temperament. If you decide that you are okay with your tween dating in a group setting, make sure you set some ground rules and communicate those clearly and effectively.
You also want to be sure you are having regular conversations about safe and responsible dating as well as all the factors involved in a tween dating relationship like texting and social media use. By educating your teen on the ins and outs of dating, you will set them up for success in the future.
Get diet and wellness tips to help your kids stay healthy and happy. Child Development: Young Teens years old. Last Reviewed February 22, American Academy of Pediatrics. When to let your teenager start dating.
Last updated November 2, Collins WA. More than myth: The developmental significance of romantic relationships during adolescence. J Adolesc. Break the Cycle. Tween dating relationship survey. Table of Contents View All. Table of Contents. When Can Tweens Date? Working Together. What to Avoid. Handling Breakups. What Parents Should Know About Tween Dating. How to Use a Social Media Contract With Your Tween. What to Do When You Dislike Your Tween's Date. How to Help Your Child Get Over Heartache.
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